Five Things

My Friend Michelle L tagged me to tell you what I want to be when I grow up. She so eloquently stated that myself (and several others) " the rest of you lazy asses clearly need some ideas".

'Write five things you want to be when you grow up. Big dreams that seem like folly, but in your heart of hearts are very real and dear to you. Things that maybe you have forgotten about in the ebb and flow and toil of the everyday, but that never really leave your soul. What you would do if anything was possible?'

1.Writer for Rollingstone (o.k. so actually I wanted to write for SPIN): Well technically I wanted to be a rockstar, but since I have no musical skill other than then ability to know what is good and what is crap, I went to the next most logical step, to write about music. I figured if I could not be one, I could still hang out with and write about them. Journalism school left me with a twitchy feeling and an extreme dislike for tequila. I hated the competitiveness of it all and lost interest.

2. An actress: I did the drama thing, I did the choir thing and well, the sad sad truth is I think I am far more talented in my own little private reality then I would ever be. Of course the whole competition think comes into play and I think we have already established that I am the anti-competitor.

3. Disgustingly wealthy: I actually have good taste in things, unfortunately these things are normally well outside my realm of reality. I wanted to be fabulously wealthy (and still do) not just for the me, me, me part of it, but because I would love to be able to contribute more to charity and possibly start my own group to help those in need. Despite what you may think or have heard, I am actually a very giving person. I just wish I had more to give.

4. A Chef: In my mind I love to cook and bake, although I am not as good at it as some people. Like Michelle L. I love food, and I would love to be able to study and master various cuisines, however, I am not gifted with domestic abilities.

5. Then next multi-million lottery winner, a fantasy I relive twice a week every week. Hey, a girl can dream!

I have crossed over to the dark side

As the years have passed I have gone from obsessing over my weight to obsessing over my skin. In the past several years I started to notice things that were not there before. Things like creapy skin under my eyes and discoloration on my face. My pores seem to just keep getting bigger and bigger and then it just became too much for an idle mind to bear. I knew that all the potions and creams in the world were no match for this because they were all in my bathroom taking up valuable real estate. I tried it all, from the crunchy organics to the wonder cream Le Mer and I have to tell you, they all pretty much did nothing.

So I took my first step, I has a series of photo facial treatments followed by microdermabrasions. There was some improvement, but I wanted IMPORVEMENT and they were kind of costly. I then decided to change my skin care routine and tossed out all the old miserable failures of products and cleared the way for new and exciting potions.

I tried to focus on keeping further damage at bay, discovered the wonders of eyebrow threading vs. waxing and was trying to make peace with my face. One day, next door to the place where I get my eyebrows done, a miracle happened. Afterglow Medical Spa opened it's doors and I was lured by the sweet siren of Botox which promised me that it would conquer my forehead butt (the annoying crease between my eyebrows that no potion could touch). I fought the urge but eventually gave in to the sweet song and handed over my credit card. Dr. Falvo (who rocks) talked to me and gave me the honest low down truth that I needed to hear. She could fix me. How could I say no? I mean, yeah I know that I PAID to have toxins shot into my face, but, IT WORKED!

I am not afraid to admit my deep admiration for my new friend Mr. Botox. I also gave myself a birthday present of a series of Jessner Peels and I can not tell you how happy I am with the results so far and I still have 4 more treatments to go!

It is official, I have become a fat, vain, bitchy girl, but I have never felt better about myself!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

No, not Christmas, Fall!



I love Fall, the colors, the change in weather, the ability to open my windows and of course, the Mother of all holidays, Halloween.



Not sure if it is going to stick or not, but we were blasted with a cold front about 3 am and it dropped over 4 inches of rain in a matter of hours. No, I am not turning into one of those weather people, I know this because it took me ten years to get to work this morning due to flooding on the FREEWAY. Yes, it tends to flood in the lower out lying area's of Austin, but a major freeway?!



Anyway, the windows are open, the animals are frisky and I am not sweating! As an added bonus, I actually had time to finish my homework and ace a test, so that means that for the first time in three weeks, I have an evening to do as I darn well please! Can you hear me smiling????

Ikea = HELL ON EARTH

Many years ago, I lost my love for Ikea, however that is another blog.

This blog revolves around Kimberly aka Angwee Piwate and her need for additional items for her groovy new bachelorette pad. Now, we have been best friends for ages, but she falls just under my husband on the short list of people who aggravate the hell out of me when shopping. What started as an innocent enough adventure in 2 hours escalated into me nearly having to go to jail in order to get out of the parking lot.

Here are my observations of this tragic event:

1. Free range children, half of whom had snot rings and coughs that brought to mind whooping cough running buck wild throughout the store or screaming at high decibels everywhere you turned.
2. Ikea's crazy follow the maze to the cheese design that makes me crazy.
3. 99.9% of the items had NO PRICE TAG or indication of cost.
4. Actually getting your vehicle backed into the loading zone is an act of God. I actually had a granny in a crapped out camry cut me off and back into my spot while I was trying to avoid the free range children that had spilled out of the store and into the loading zone area.
5. After loosing my mind verbally on said old coont, I finally was able to get backed in, and I took up two spots on PURPOSE!
6. Realizing that you and going have to help carry half the crap that was just purchased up a flight of stairs (fuck).

All this and I am not even PMSing! Who knew that Ikea had the ability to absolutely ruin your day! I know it is not the store's fault (although I still say their furniture is sub-par and crappy and if you order in online you are screwed if you want to return it). It just leads the the age old question.....why do stupid people breed.

I am taking my toys and going home now.

Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a Sheep

O.K., this is me, I am a thirty something career girl who is childless by choice. I have finally reached a point in my life where I can actually breathe and it's nice, I will not however, feel bad, guilty or whatever for my choices, no matter how many times people ask me so here goes nothing. Consider this my open letter to all those people who feel the need to ask me personal and ridiculous questions. 1. No, I do not have kids, I did not plan on having kids, I do not want kids. End of Discussion. 2. "You sure spend allot on clothes, shoes, purses, etc...." Thanks for noticing, I also give allot of money to charity so bite me. 3. "Why are you buying such an expensive car, that seems a little showy". Well, first of all, I have a 60 mile commute and when you spend that kind of time in a car, you want it to be something you actually like sitting in. Second, I have been saving for this car for 6 years and it is something I plan to drive for many years to come. Third, Considering it is $10K less that your stoopid Tahoe/Suburban/Gas Guzzler/Midget Mover and it is actually a fuel efficient car with low emissions, bite me. Fourth, yes, my husband is nice looking and so help me FSM, if you tell me that one more time in a condescending I can't believe she snagged him tone, I will bludgeon you to death with my very expensive handbag and kick you with my fancy shoe, all while applying new lipgloss.