Tales From The Dorkside....

When did this happen?

2009-08-30T15:09:00.003-05:00

At some point while I was not paying attention, I became a grown up. While this is a title that often makes me cringe, when I look in the mirror and survey the ever growing collection of pots, tubes and vessels of skin care products that occupy valuble real estate in my bathroom, it cannot be denied.

Last year would have been my 20 year high school reunion, however a little storm by the name of Ike saw to it that we pushed that date back a bit. So this year, I am lucky enough to process not only attending said reunion, but closing the year with a milestone birthday. Not so subtle life events of this nature in addition to a little health scare which gave me some time to lay about and think (never a good thing) ended up in me taking an inventory of my life and what things I should probably change. (Those of you who know me can stop laughing now. No really, I mean it.).

One think I decided to focus on is something that I have always struggled with and that is meal planning. Looking back, I think it was much easier back when my choices consisted of which generic Chef Boy R Dee option it was going to be. While I do love to cook, I have a couple of things that seem to work against me.

I am married to a man with the palete of a 5 year old who likes sausage and who's favorite vegetable is a jalepeno.
Niether of us like to eat breakfast in the morning
We do not have kids.

That being said, for 12 years now, I have not had to be the kind of wife who plans meals and cooks dinner every night. It was not unusual for dinner to be cereal, a cheese plate or something just as minimal. Mostly however, it consisted of take out or delivery with the occasional sprinkle of cooking thrown in for good measure and to make sure all the appliances were still working and to justify the killer grill I just had to have.

So, this weekend marked the first time in years that we have not eaten out multiple times. I have spent a crazy amount of time in the grocery store and in the kitchen. I think I have a handle on all the meals for this week and I only had to make two trips. I have to tell you, it was HARD though and it felt foreign and almost uncomfortable. I do think that I can get past this though. It will be better at least that is what I am telling myself.

Dear Diary....

2009-08-29T21:44:00.003-05:00

I am not very good at this whole blog thing, however that does not stop me from giving it a good vent every now and again. It has been a while since my last update and there has been some interesting events in my little part of the martiniverse.

Quiet unexpectedly life took over the guidance system and made some unexpeted detours. All snark aside, life can come at you sideways when you least expect it, so never forget to appreciate the good things you have. If there is something in your life that is within your realm of control and you are unhappy with it, then by all means, pull up your big girl panties and deal with it. Take a deep breath and evaluate those things that are outside of your control and let go.

Get out there, get in it and enjoy yourself.

Peace, Love and Martini's.

Sunday Cooking

2009-03-15T16:37:00.005-05:00

After going to a Greek restaurant yesterday and learning that my favorite dish was only available at dinner, it got me thinking and that is usually not a good thing. Waking early this morning, I decided that I would spend my day on a labor of love, creating this dish from scratch. So armed with a list, I headed to the store and have spent the majority of the day prepping and preparing Moussaka.

Throughout the day I had several thoughts that kept running through my mind. The first was, how really theraputic it was to take such care and to put such time into the preparation of a dish. In today's hectic world, it is a rare occasion that we have the time to set aside to really make a time consuming meal. While many see cooking as something that has to be done, stealing effortless ideas from the likes of Rachel Ray and a host of other talentless hacks, I suppose that is your right. However, cooking is an art, it is a joy there is a moment of zen that you reach and a peace that you find and it is something to be shared and taught. Cooking is more than a labour of love, it is good for the soul. That is just my two cents and I will shut up about it already.

The second thought I had was that well, I have might have mislead some of you by claiming to be domestically disabled and here I am talking about spending all day cooking a fairly difficult ethnic dish. Well, yes and no. I am lazy (shocker). I hate to clean unless I am mad and then you have never seen a toilet shine so bright. I would rather eat bugs than do laundry and I cannot iron to save my life. I own and iron, but not an ironing board and said iron actually sits on a shelf that I cannot reach, on purpose.

You may have heard me talk at length about not cooking. true, I do not often cook. Mostly because my dear husband, puts the "P" in picky eater and is not a fan of vegetables. Truth be told, he rarely will eat anything that I cook, not because it is rubbish, but because he has the palate of a 5 year old who really, really likes hot food. Actually, if you ask him, he will probably tell you his favorite vegetable is a jalapeno. I cringe every time he tells someone that his favorte thing I cook is a grilled cheese sandwich. I am actually a realy good cook, I well versed in a number of ethnic dishes and can throw together some of the most amazing hors d'oeuvres you have ever seen. Want to have a party? Let's do it. It is simply something I do not take the time to do often enough.

So I have decided to institute Sunday cooking, just for me. My own little bit of zen. I am going to dust off my cookbooks and my caphalon and get back in touch with those days when we took the time to prepare a meal even if it means making the time to do so.

The importance of friends

2008-09-27T22:31:00.003-05:00

You get to a point in your life where you have reached adulthood and you have your life and your career that take precident. Some choose to have children and others have made other plans. We all move in smaller circles and it often becomes increasingly difficult to keep up with those people in our lives who make such an impact on us as humans.

I am talking about the importance of friends. I once read that friends are like stars, just because you don't always see them, it does not mean they are not there. I quiet like that statement because I hold my friends very near and dear to my heart. Thank god for the internet, for cell phones and for text messaging because even when stuck in traffic, when about to collapse from total exhaustion or from perhaps too much wine, I can send a text that says "whore" and they know that they are loved.

While you may not share the same sarchastic tone with your friends that I do with mine. Just remember that we are all part of each other's time on this marble for a reason, we should embrace the time we have and charish each other, even if they are a buch of loud mouthed broads who I love with all my black mushy heart.

Le Sigh

2008-04-22T15:55:00.002-05:00

Shit.

Maybe I am just hormonal, I don't know. It is increasingly hard for me to stay calm while I watch good, hard working people who roll up their sleeves day in and day out get trampled over by meely mouthed, whiney assed cry babies who get special treatment because they make bad life decisions. Meh. My patience has worn thin and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is playing like a broken record in my head right now. People usually tell me I am too nice, that is when they are not tell me, or others behind my back what a nasty bitch I am. Maybe it is high time I just pulled up them there boots and did some walkin.

What do you say?

Are you ready boots?

OHMYGODMAKEITSTOP!

2008-01-30T16:07:00.000-06:00

Gack!
It is official, I have a snot monster and as hard as I seem to try, I cannot seem to kill the bastard. I thought that when I quit smoking, my allergies would get better, but oddly enough, they have gotten worse! I am starting to think that I have developed a tolerance for benadryl and if I don't stop sniffling and sneezing soon, I might just loose it. Of course the weather not being able to make up it's mind is not helping matters much. Yesterday it was in the low 70's and today it is in the 40's so it's probably a miracle that we don't all have walking pneumonia.

SIGH.........

I am ready for my close up Mr. DeMille.....

2007-10-28T10:52:00.000-05:00

So, if you know me, you know that I have been sweating my 20 year High School Reunion which is coming up in 2008. First because, I have a real hard time accepting that it has been 20 friggen years since I graduated and second, I have been carrying around all this time all the angst, anxiety and general annoyance that high school is. I have recently realized that for the good, the bad and the ugly of it all, those events shaped and helped to make me the person I am today.

It occurred to me that I should be excited about this and not dreading it because this is the perfect opportunity for me to go and leave all that frustration at the door. It will be a cleansing of sorts because I am not gonna bring that crap back with me. It is time to let it go and I am finally ready.

Of course, the preparations are already underway. Obviously loosing weight is pretty high up on the list of things to accomplish over the next 10 months and there is a plan in motion. To assist me in this adventure I have roped in the assistance of two of my favorite things. 1. clothes 2. shoes. So, do you want to see my outfit for my reunion? Of course you do!

Here are the shoes that I will wear. So they are Nine West and not Chanel, but they are really pretty and I think they will go quiet nicely with my dress.........

Yes, I have recently Purchased these items and of course the dress is many sizes smaller than what I currently wear, but if it was not, then how could I use it as my inspiration silly!

The year of 2008 is going to be the year of Auntie Sugarbush. It will be in 2008 that I finally kick the mangy little monkey off my back and quit smoking for good. It is also the year that I will finish my degree in Organizational Management and Behavior, purchase the car I have been dreaming off, get healthy and pay off most of my debt. Throw in letting go of all the high school drama and you have them makings of a very good year.

Five Things

2007-10-28T10:28:00.000-05:00

My Friend Michelle L tagged me to tell you what I want to be when I grow up. She so eloquently stated that myself (and several others) " the rest of you lazy asses clearly need some ideas".

'Write five things you want to be when you grow up. Big dreams that seem like folly, but in your heart of hearts are very real and dear to you. Things that maybe you have forgotten about in the ebb and flow and toil of the everyday, but that never really leave your soul. What you would do if anything was possible?'

1.Writer for Rollingstone (o.k. so actually I wanted to write for SPIN): Well technically I wanted to be a rockstar, but since I have no musical skill other than then ability to know what is good and what is crap, I went to the next most logical step, to write about music. I figured if I could not be one, I could still hang out with and write about them. Journalism school left me with a twitchy feeling and an extreme dislike for tequila. I hated the competitiveness of it all and lost interest.

2. An actress: I did the drama thing, I did the choir thing and well, the sad sad truth is I think I am far more talented in my own little private reality then I would ever be. Of course the whole competition think comes into play and I think we have already established that I am the anti-competitor.

3. Disgustingly wealthy: I actually have good taste in things, unfortunately these things are normally well outside my realm of reality. I wanted to be fabulously wealthy (and still do) not just for the me, me, me part of it, but because I would love to be able to contribute more to charity and possibly start my own group to help those in need. Despite what you may think or have heard, I am actually a very giving person. I just wish I had more to give.

4. A Chef: In my mind I love to cook and bake, although I am not as good at it as some people. Like Michelle L. I love food, and I would love to be able to study and master various cuisines, however, I am not gifted with domestic abilities.

5. Then next multi-million lottery winner, a fantasy I relive twice a week every week. Hey, a girl can dream!

I have crossed over to the dark side

2007-10-26T18:14:00.001-05:00

As the years have passed I have gone from obsessing over my weight to obsessing over my skin. In the past several years I started to notice things that were not there before. Things like creapy skin under my eyes and discoloration on my face. My pores seem to just keep getting bigger and bigger and then it just became too much for an idle mind to bear. I knew that all the potions and creams in the world were no match for this because they were all in my bathroom taking up valuable real estate. I tried it all, from the crunchy organics to the wonder cream Le Mer and I have to tell you, they all pretty much did nothing.

So I took my first step, I has a series of photo facial treatments followed by microdermabrasions. There was some improvement, but I wanted IMPORVEMENT and they were kind of costly. I then decided to change my skin care routine and tossed out all the old miserable failures of products and cleared the way for new and exciting potions.

I tried to focus on keeping further damage at bay, discovered the wonders of eyebrow threading vs. waxing and was trying to make peace with my face. One day, next door to the place where I get my eyebrows done, a miracle happened. Afterglow Medical Spa opened it's doors and I was lured by the sweet siren of Botox which promised me that it would conquer my forehead butt (the annoying crease between my eyebrows that no potion could touch). I fought the urge but eventually gave in to the sweet song and handed over my credit card. Dr. Falvo (who rocks) talked to me and gave me the honest low down truth that I needed to hear. She could fix me. How could I say no? I mean, yeah I know that I PAID to have toxins shot into my face, but, IT WORKED!

I am not afraid to admit my deep admiration for my new friend Mr. Botox. I also gave myself a birthday present of a series of Jessner Peels and I can not tell you how happy I am with the results so far and I still have 4 more treatments to go!

It is official, I have become a fat, vain, bitchy girl, but I have never felt better about myself!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

2007-10-22T19:31:00.000-05:00

No, not Christmas, Fall!

I love Fall, the colors, the change in weather, the ability to open my windows and of course, the Mother of all holidays, Halloween.

Not sure if it is going to stick or not, but we were blasted with a cold front about 3 am and it dropped over 4 inches of rain in a matter of hours. No, I am not turning into one of those weather people, I know this because it took me ten years to get to work this morning due to flooding on the FREEWAY. Yes, it tends to flood in the lower out lying area's of Austin, but a major freeway?!

Anyway, the windows are open, the animals are frisky and I am not sweating! As an added bonus, I actually had time to finish my homework and ace a test, so that means that for the first time in three weeks, I have an evening to do as I darn well please! Can you hear me smiling????

Ikea = HELL ON EARTH

2007-10-14T19:15:00.000-05:00

Many years ago, I lost my love for Ikea, however that is another blog.

This blog revolves around Kimberly aka Angwee Piwate and her need for additional items for her groovy new bachelorette pad. Now, we have been best friends for ages, but she falls just under my husband on the short list of people who aggravate the hell out of me when shopping. What started as an innocent enough adventure in 2 hours escalated into me nearly having to go to jail in order to get out of the parking lot.

Here are my observations of this tragic event:

Free range children, half of whom had snot rings and coughs that brought to mind whooping cough running buck wild throughout the store or screaming at high decibels everywhere you turned.
Ikea's crazy follow the maze to the cheese design that makes me crazy.
99.9% of the items had NO PRICE TAG or indication of cost.
Actually getting your vehicle backed into the loading zone is an act of God. I actually had a granny in a crapped out camry cut me off and back into my spot while I was trying to avoid the free range children that had spilled out of the store and into the loading zone area.
After loosing my mind verbally on said old coont, I finally was able to get backed in, and I took up two spots on PURPOSE!
Realizing that you and going have to help carry half the crap that was just purchased up a flight of stairs (fuck).

All this and I am not even PMSing! Who knew that Ikea had the ability to absolutely ruin your day! I know it is not the store's fault (although I still say their furniture is sub-par and crappy and if you order in online you are screwed if you want to return it). It just leads the the age old question.....why do stupid people breed.

I am taking my toys and going home now.

Hi, my name is Michelle and I am a Sheep

2007-10-11T18:39:00.000-05:00

O.K., this is me, I am a thirty something career girl who is childless by choice. I have finally reached a point in my life where I can actually breathe and it's nice, I will not however, feel bad, guilty or whatever for my choices, no matter how many times people ask me so here goes nothing. Consider this my open letter to all those people who feel the need to ask me personal and ridiculous questions. 1. No, I do not have kids, I did not plan on having kids, I do not want kids. End of Discussion. 2. "You sure spend allot on clothes, shoes, purses, etc...." Thanks for noticing, I also give allot of money to charity so bite me. 3. "Why are you buying such an expensive car, that seems a little showy". Well, first of all, I have a 60 mile commute and when you spend that kind of time in a car, you want it to be something you actually like sitting in. Second, I have been saving for this car for 6 years and it is something I plan to drive for many years to come. Third, Considering it is $10K less that your stoopid Tahoe/Suburban/Gas Guzzler/Midget Mover and it is actually a fuel efficient car with low emissions, bite me. Fourth, yes, my husband is nice looking and so help me FSM, if you tell me that one more time in a condescending I can't believe she snagged him tone, I will bludgeon you to death with my very expensive handbag and kick you with my fancy shoe, all while applying new lipgloss.